


And We Collide Like Stars

by LarirenShadow



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Jewish Ben Solo, Older Man/Younger Woman, Present Tense, Therapy, also an inheritance, and a lot of the word fuck, angsty, look I wrote a thing that isn't slightly passive aggressive see last week that's BAD, not seen but mentioned, seriously a lot of ANGST, they're all messed up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25352362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarirenShadow/pseuds/LarirenShadow
Summary: She sits next to the tall dark stranger dressed all in black and drinking stout.“What you’re drinking is shit,” he tells her.“That’s a great way to start a conversation. It’s the cheapest one,” she says.“That’s why it’s shit. Hey,” he motions to the bartender holding up his almost empty glass, “I’ll take two more.”“Presumptuous of you to think I’d drink that.”.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 56





	And We Collide Like Stars

**Author's Note:**

> This is rated teen on the edge of mature with no real sex but a lot of the word fuck.

Rey’s nineteen with a fake ID because even though she can legally drink at home the States have a silly rule about being 21. It’s a nice bar, the college town she’s found herself in is quaint and she feels safe stumbling through the streets at night. She’s celebrating being nineteen. 

She’s nursing her sixth beer, the only one she’s actually paid for, when she spots him. He’s sitting at the end of the bar, alone and staring intently at her. She shivers despite the warmth of the breeze coming through the open window. She’s not used to October being warm but she loves it. He jerks his head towards the empty seat next to him. She shouldn’t go, there’s no reason to go over.

“Finn if I look like I’m about to be murdered you can come get me,” she tells her friend before starting the short walk over.

“Make good life choices!” He calls back.

She sits next to the tall dark stranger dressed all in black and drinking stout. 

“What you’re drinking is shit,” he tells her.

“That’s a great way to start a conversation. It’s the cheapest one,” she says.

“That’s why it’s shit. Hey,” he motions to the bartender holding up his almost empty glass, “I’ll take two more.”

“Presumptuous of you to think I’d drink that.”

“You can clearly hold your alcohol if you can use that word.”

She smirks and holds out her hand. “Rey.”

He tentatively takes it. “Ben but everyone calls me Kylo.”

~*~*~

She’s on fire and loving every second. His touch feels like lightning and rain at all once. They can’t keep their hands off each other when they’re together, much to the chagrin of her friends.    
  


“I don’t like him,” Finn says.

“He’s too old for you,” Poe adds.

“He’s 26 and you’re 27. How is he too old for me but you’re not?” Rey asks.

“It’s different. We work together.”

“And Kylo is a student like me.”

“There’s a world of difference between an undergrad and a grad student and you know it.”

Rey does know it. While she complains about her five page papers he smirks and reminds her he has a thesis due. A twenty problem set is nothing compared to reading a three hundred page book in a week. And all those pale in comparison to laying naked in his bed.

It’s been two months since they met in the bar and they’ve already had three blow out fights. But the make up sex has been worth it. 

The semester is ending and Rey is trying to not get her hopes up that she’ll be going home with him. Her last final was that morning, his last paper submitted as she walked through the door.

“We should get a Christmas tree,” she tells him as she’s sprawled on top of him on his couch.

“I’m Jewish,” he says, flipping through channels.

“We can still get one.”

“I don’t do holidays.”

She looks up. “Why not?”

He grunts. “They’re artificial reasons for people who despise each other to get together and pretend to be happy just because they share the same genetics. Utterly stupid.”

She immediately gets up and ignores the stinging in her eyes. “Fine, great. Have fun then,” she says as she grabs her bag and jacket.

“Rey, wait-”

“No, have fun being alone during break.” She slams his door. She leans back and takes a few deep breaths.

“Rey.” She hears it softly through the door. “I’ll text you in a few days.”

He will, she knows. He will with bruised knuckles from a punching bag and a twelve pack of the cheap beer she was drinking the first night in the bar in the fridge waiting for her.

And maybe this time she won’t go back.

~*~*~

“I hate you!” She screams and throws a pillow at him.

“Why? Because I told you the truth? Because I’m not some perfect person who wants a family and a clingy girlfriend who has ridiculous expectations for me?”

That’s exactly why she hates him but she knows exactly how deeply to cut him. “Because you won’t fucking grow up and have no idea what it’s like to be an actual adult.”

His eyes turn dark. “Get. Out.”

“Gladly.”

Later, in her tiny dorm she cries. She cries because Kylo is right, because he doesn’t want what she wants.

Because she finally told him about growing up in the system and how she just wants people who she can count on and he threw it in her face.

Her phone lights up.

_ We’re both fucked up  _ his text says.

**We are** she replies.

_ I don’t think we should be together _

She stares at those words for a long time.

**Right now we shouldn’t. But promise me you’ll try again some day.**

Three hours later:  _ I promise _ .

~*~*~

She’s twenty and he’s her TA and there’s some slightly awkward conversations but they get through it. She needs the government class to fulfil an elective for her degree and it would normally bore her to tears. But Kylo makes it interesting. When he actually lectures the passion she knows that’s in him shines through.

She truly intends to go to his officer hours to get some tips for her essay. That is truly her purpose.

Then the door is locked and she’s in his lap and his hands are under her shirt and hers are in his hair. 

“I missed you,” he whispers into her neck before sucking a bruise into her skin.

She grinds down. “I missed you too.”

“I’m still fucked up.”

She sighs. “Me too.” She moves back and he finally looks her in the eyes. “We should stop.”

“This feels right.”

“It does but we’re fucked up. We’ll just fight again.”

He smirks. “I liked the fighting.”

“I didn’t.” She rests her forehead on his. “It’s not someday.”

“Right.”

She gets off his lap. “I’ll email you my outline for your notes, ok?”

“Yeah, sure.”

His notes are incredibly detailed and some would say harsh if she didn’t know his tone.

~*~*~

She’s twenty one and wasted. Everyone has bought her a shot and Finn has threatened to handcuff himself to her if she doesn’t stop wandering off. “Not wandering walking,” she slurs. “Going to see Kylo.”

“Oh no you’re not,” Finn says as he grabs her arm.

“Who’s Kylo?” Rose asks.

“Her ex.”

“The love of my life!” Rey shouts. “You can’t stop me from seeing him!”

“How many shots has she had?” Rose whispers as she grabs Rey’s other arm to help Finn keep her from stumbling into the road.

“I lost count after four.”

“Eleventy!” Rey says.

“Eleventy isn’t a number.” Rey uses Finn’s momentary lose grip to sprint away. “Rey come back!”

“Going to see Kylo!” She shouts and turns a corner. She keeps running and feels so alive. She keeps taking turns and suddenly she’s lost. It takes two point five seconds for her to realize she should get into somewhere with light now. She stumbles into a McDonalds and takes way too long at a touch screen to order chicken nuggets and french fries.

She takes her food to a table and calls Kylo. “Come get me,” she demands.

“Rey it’s one in the morning.”

“Come get me.”

She hears him sigh. “Where are you?”

“McDonalds.”

“Send me your location and I’ll come get you. And drink water.”

“No, I’m officially legally allowed to drink and I’ll drink what I want.”

She remembers Kylo collecting her and trying to feed him a chicken nugget. She remembers him taking off her shoes in his apartment and placing her on a makeshift bed on his bathroom floor. Throwing up comes next, again and again and again. 

  
Then it’s morning and her mouth tastes stale and she’s tired but other than that she feels...fine. The light doesn’t bother her and standing isn’t a problem. She lost her pants at some point, she wraps herself in the blanket on the floor and shuffles into the kitchen.

“How are you feeling?” Kylo asks, sipping coffee and sitting at his tiny kitchen table.

“Ok. I think I should feel worse but I don’t.”

“There’s coffee in the pot.” She busys herself with getting a cup, trying not to look at him. “Why did you call me?”

It’s the one question she doesn’t want to be asked. “Because.”

“Because why?”

Because I miss you everyday. Because I don’t know if I’ll ever truly feel comfortable talking to someone like I do you. Because I lov- “Because you would come get me.”

“How did you know that?”

She feels her muscles tense. “I just do.”

“I’m Kylo in your phone,” he says after a long pause.

“That’s your name, right?”

“Ben,” he says, “change it to Ben.”

She remembers him saying he doesn’t want to live up to a legacy, that he wants to be his own person so he doesn’t use his name. “I thought-”

“I’m trying to get not fucked up. One step is realizing running from problems doesn’t help.”

She takes a deep breath. She wanted this and now here it is. “I’ll change it.”

“Thank you.”

He takes her home a little while later. They hug but nothing more.

“Text me,” she calls over her shoulder as she walks to the building door.

“To hang out?”

She nods. “As friends.”

~*~*~

For her twenty second birthday Ben shows her the note she made him write the night of her twenty first birthday. 

“So if I’m 26 and not dating anyone or have any prospects we’re getting married?” She asks as she reads the note written in what is clearly his best hand writing her additions in her worst.

“I don’t think that’s going to be a real thing. I just wanted to show you for a laugh.”

They have a friendship. It feels slightly fragile at times but it’s getting stronger. She went to his graduation, was introduced as his friend to his mother. Leia Organa, senator and almost always in the news, was a lot shorter in person. Rey finally really understood what he meant about his legacy. 

Leia sometimes texts her to ask how Ben is. She’s not entirely sure how Leia got her number but she suspects Ben has something to do with it.

In a silly moment of fantasy she imagines being married to Ben. They’d be mostly in love, they’d fight and...and she’s not sure if it would work because she’s still hurt and he’s still fucked up.

He gives her flowers at her graduation and a kiss on the cheek. 

~*~*~

At twenty three she starts therapy. She’s lucky she has a job with health insurance that covers it and her work visa.

The first two months she thinks its stupid and it’s not helping. Finn, Poe, and Rose tell her she can stop when she wants. That it will help.

_ It sucks for a long time  _ Ben’s text says late one night.

**I’d like it to make me better right now and stop sucking**

_ I’ve been going for years and it still sucks _

**Has it helped?**

_ Well yeah. I’m going over to my mother’s for a stupid Hannukah dinner. _

**Ben Solo is celebrating a HOLIDAY????**

_ I am, thanks therapy. _

Maybe, just maybe, it will work.

~*~*~

“That’s not a cat that’s a ball of orange and claws,” Ben says as BB curls around his legs after the cat had clawed his leg.

“He likes you,” she says before picking the cat up. “And you’re going to be a good boy for Ben while I’m gone? Yes you are, yes you are!” She bounces the cat as she says it.

“Why are you going to the funeral anyway?” Ben asks.

Rey’s not entirely sure why she’s going. Other than there’s now a pile of paperwork that’s falling on her for a grandfather she never really knew about. His solicitor contacted her two weeks ago, having tracked her down after years and confirmed after spitting into a tube. He’s going to help her consolidate her two identities: Rey Niima is on her degree and her visa and passport but now she has a birth certificate that says she’s Rey Palpatine with an inheritance to match. There’s a distant memory of that name but nothing associated with it.

“It’s the right thing to do.” She isn’t sure if it is but that’s what she told her therapist. She said if Rey believed that she should go. Something about closing chapters in her life.

“Text me if you need me,” is all Ben says.

“Well you’re sending me pictures of BB every time you come over. And also pictures of your cat.”

“Millicent is just staying at my place until Hux can convince Phasma she really does want a cat too.”

Rey rolls her eyes. She knows Ben is already attached to the black, orange, and white ridiculous large cat that is Millicent. Finn asked what he was feeding her when they were all over at Ben’s a few weeks ago. 

They’re a group now, they get together and share work stories and drinks. And sometimes when Rey’s had a little too much her hands creep into Ben’s hair and she lingers a little too close to him. There’s a pull there, something she can’t exactly explain but it feels like whatever compelled her to go over to him that first night in the bar. But now it’s stronger, more comforting.

“Sure she is. I should call an Uber-”

“I’ll take you.”

“Huh?”

“To the airport, I’ll take you.”

He’s there when she comes home three weeks later instead of two. She’s still dazed, she can pay off her loans right now and have funds leftover. The advice is to at least pay half and keep paying the rest down. 

She jumps into his arms when she sees him. “I can buy a home,” she whispers.

“I’m sure BB would like that,” he says kissing her hair.

~*~*~

Her twenty fifth birthday is also her house warming party. It’s a modest one story house with two bathrooms and 3 bedrooms. There’s flowers in the front yard and she can do whatever she wants with the backyard. She has a home office now and a room that has no purpose but the realtor said could be a kid’s room. Guest room now.

Ben already has a key.

Three months after her party she’s relaxing in the bath when Ben texts her saying he’s at her house. Before she can really move she hears her door open.

“I’m taking a bath,” she calls.

He comes into the bathroom and she curls on to her right side, hiding most of her body from his view.

“It’s nine months till your twenty sixth birthday,” he says leaning against the counter and looking at her.

There’s a tiny part of her that closes up. She told her therapist about her agreement and had a couple of sessions dedicated to Ben. To her feelings for him. The therapist says if they’re both willing to work at a relationship she doesn’t see why they can’t try. Maybe not marriage right away but trying.

“It is.”

“You’re still not seeing anyone.” 

She goes into survival mode. She stands, fully naked for him for the first time in years. His eyes go wide and he licks his lips. She lifts her chin before grabbing her towel. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before,” she says. “And if you’re here to give me dating advice I don’t want to hear it.”

He follows her to her bedroom. She grabs her pjs and goes to the master bathroom to change. He’s waiting for her on the bed when she comes out. “We should talk.”

Her heart stops for a second. “About what?”

He hands her the letter, with their promise. “Ben if you really think this is binding then,” she scoffs, “maybe you should join some dating site, I heard Hinge might be good.” She doesn’t look at him, instead she pulls her covers back and smooths them out. “Now if you don’t mind I’m going to bed. Please turn off the light when you leave and lock up-”

“Rey-”

“I’m going to bed Ben.” He crawls in next to her. She turns to look at him. “The light is still on-”

“I have a ring.”

She must have misheard him. “I’m glad you got a new doorbell-”

“I have your ring.”

She truly doesn’t understand. “What?’

“We’re less fucked up.”

“That’s a relative fact.”

“We’re less fucked up and I really can’t think of spending the rest of my life with anyone but you. I want us to have a chance before the deadline.”

It’s not an actual declaration of love but it’s closer than he ever got before. “Are you asking me on a date or to marry you?”

“A little of both.”

They stare at each other for what seems like an hour. “All right,” she says finally.

“All right what?”

“I’ll go out with you. Maybe someday wear the ring you’re going to show me.”

“No, I think I’ll wait until you actually agree to marry me.” She lightly hits his shoulder. “Can I stay the night?”

“Just sleeping,” she says. “And turn off the light.”

He gets up and does, she hears what she assumes is his shirt hitting the floor and his pants before he crawls back in bed. She turns her back to him so he can wrap around her. When she thinks his breathing has evened out and he’s asleep she whispers “I love you.”

They date. Ben takes her to Leia’s for the Sedar. Leia asks if Rey will convert. She says she truthfully hasn’t ever really thought about religion so maybe she should decide what she believes before committing. Leia approves of her answer and tells Ben to stop being an idiot and get his grandmother’s ring on her finger.

Rey smiles because she knows the ring fits.

~*~*~

She’s twenty seven and technically married to Ben Solo but no one knows yet (besides Leia, she knows). They’ve been living together for awhile and scheduled an appointment at the courthouse. Small, simple, just what they wanted.

In time they’ll have a party, their friends will know, but for now they just want it to be them.

Millicent and BB are curled up their cat tree and Rey is laying on Ben on their couch.

“I heard you, that night,” he says as he strokes her back.

“Huh?”

“When you said you love me the first time.”

They’re not perfect, they’re still a little fucked up. They still fight but it’s now mostly over who will clean the litter box and who’s going to take out the trash. Sometimes it’s big and they take hours to cool off. They’re looking into a couples therapist because they want this to last and don’t want to mess it up. The pull is still there, still bringing them back together and making everything seem a little brighter and a little more real.

She buries her face in his chest. “And I still love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've missed writing. The Legions ate me but since there's no trooping I can sit down and write. It's been a wild year for them too and...I know like almost everyone that was in the big drama because of course I do.


End file.
